this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize