I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize