I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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