if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
it's great music for shaving your balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize