His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
You can't motorboat a personality
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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