Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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