Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
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Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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