why didn't you poke me back
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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