Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize