its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize