I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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