We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize