Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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