i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
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You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize