I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
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I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
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Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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