Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
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But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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