you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
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