if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
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It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
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Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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