Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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