We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
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What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
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My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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