Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My dick has a subreddit
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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