I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
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