Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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