how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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