I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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