well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
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I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
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You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
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