at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize