Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize