After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
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You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
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I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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