That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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