honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
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That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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