The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
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I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
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I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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