I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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