Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
She's the barista slut.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to be your penis for a week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize