STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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