i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Randomize