Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize