I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
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he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize