remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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