My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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