His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
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I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
What a dumb baby whore.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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