Did you just see the Batmobile???
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize