everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Please don't give away my fajitas
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