why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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