this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
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Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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