Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
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You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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