when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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