She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
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We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
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Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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