I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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