Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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