I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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