dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I did not marry a roomba.
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